More on belonging

 If any of you have dabbled in Christian Evangelical circles (yes I know this is a bit niche) you may have come across a phrase "Belong, Believe, Behave" as a pattern of thinking about inclusion and transformation in church communities. Importance was placed on the order in which the process occurred. People should feel welcomed and included, subsequently, through exposure to the ideologies and experiences of the community, they might start believing and through that belief, behaviour would be altered. Though to virgin ears this may smack of manipulation, I think the concept was usually adopted with the genuine intention of offering unconditional inclusion and allowing a person to explore matters of faith at their own pace, and in that sense, they may have been on to something.

Unfortunately the process can unravel in the same way that it ravelled (is that a word?). If one of your B's starts to fail the others drop like dominos. I don't believe therefore I don't behave, I don't behave therefore I don't belong, I don't belong, therefore I don't believe etc. Perhaps that is normal. Every group has it's characteristics and rules (whether written or unwritten) about normative behaviour and values. The only difference is, that the church strives to do difference differently. 

Christ's message leaves an interesting challenge. All are invited to the table and the main criteria seems to be hunger, not table manners. But hunger for what? For a second chance? Forgiveness?

Peace, love, purpose? A new perspective? Well, all those things appear to be on the menu and yes, it could be a meal that transforms your life, but not always according to expected models.

Curiously, I was reading an article about the Australian government's framework for child development and found they had also had a crack at the 3 Bs. Belonging, Being, Becoming. This follows the idea that security and acceptance leads to identity formation and then self-realisation and the desire to contribute. Could this translate to faith communities and spiritual formation? One thing is for sure, people need safe places in order to flourish. Whichever Bs you choose in whatever order, it seems to me a worthy pursuit to create benevolent spaces where growth is a consequence not a condition of partaking. 

We belong here

 "Today, if we have no peace, it's because we have forgotten we belong to each other" Mother Teresa

I've been out of the blogging loop for a while, but this month on the Psychology Course I am doing, we have been tasked with writing a blog about belonging and aging. As academia will have it's own idea of what an acceptable blog post looks like, I thought I'd write here what I want to first!

Belonging is becoming a new buzz word in social psychology, as studies on our social connectedness, or lack of it are increasingly revealing its massive health and well-being implications. But as Kim Samuel states in her new book, belonging is not just about a connection to other people but our "place, power and purpose in the world". At a fundamental level belonging becomes an existential question "am I meant to be here?". The answer to this question gets filtered through a multitude of positive and negative experiences, reinforcing or reducing our confidence to say "Yes".

Belonging is connected to a sense of acceptance and positive affect. The feeling you get when you come home, if you have had the luck to feel it. Unfortunately many of us feel at odds with the world, fighting to find our place or prove we've earnt it, a strange phenomena of human consciousness, that leaves us hungry for reassurance and susceptible to doubt.

In this context belonging becomes an act of faith, in ourselves and in each other. Here is the bind, belonging is reciprocal, it involves the Universe saying Yes to us and us saying Yes to the Universe, or indeed to others,
in relationships and participation. Increasingly with the rise of social media, we want to connect but not commit, we want pleasure without participation, inclusion without intrusion. Traditional ritual based communities are eroding and with them our social glue is loosing its stickiness. 

Now, more than ever, we need to remember our common identity, practice compassion, create new rituals of connection and take a deep breath and know deep down in our souls that YES we belong here, we are home and we are loved.

What are we applauding for?

In Spain, the country where I am currently residing, there has been some noise made about the hypocrisy of the daily balcony applause. Some say, it's no good clapping if you are not going to vote for those that protect public services, it's no good clapping, if after all this, nursing staff continue to be undervalued and over-worked. It's no good clapping if you don't know what the consequences are or are not prepared for them ...

And on this Palm Sunday I was reminded of another group of applauders, those that enthusiastically ushered the entrance of Christ into the city of Jerusalem. But did they know what were they applauding for? Like so many of us today, they were looking for an answer, a hero, a salvation from their current circumstances. Indeed Jesus possessed these attributes, but not in the form that ultimately pleased crowds. Much like our NHS heroes of today, his salvation would involve sacrifice, 'greater love has no man than this, that he lay his life down for his friends'. There was no quick fix solution on offer either: 'if you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace, but now it is hidden from your eyes' said Jesus to his expectant onlookers.

So what was it? What was it Jesus, that would have brought them peace? I am inclined to think that it was to choose the way of a servant, to love their neighbour and give a chance to the hopeless, to become caretakers of each other and the world, to recognise Christ in their fragility instead of fighting for dominance.

So yes, I do applaud the health service and believe that these humble public servants are worthy of our upmost thanks and respect ... And I applaud the Christ and invite him to come ... But when the noise of the clapping dies down, will I have the heart to join Him and those servants, who on their bleeding knees, are paving the way for a new world?

The envelope challenge

Advent is a season of doors, of openings, of a million little surprises... Anticipation, hopes fixed on an arrival. Underneath hope there is longing, underneath longing, dissatisfaction, the sense that something is fundamentally amiss, a question that the heart doesn't stop asking... What could arrive, what could arrive to change it all?
Awaiting a child of promise is not exclusive to the Christian tradition, many religions understand there is a destiny over certain people to bring a special message to the world.
So I return to the envelope as a meditation. Imagine the envelope carries the answer but what is the question? What is the deepest longing of my heart? What is the message that the world needs to hear to put things right? and then imagine, imagine opening it!
Now I imagine you are a shepherd, poor and weary, in ancient occupied Palestine awaiting, maybe not even believing anymore that change will come and suddenly an angelic message comes to you in the cold night. 'Unto us a child is born.' And now you find yourself in an underground cave staring at this strange gift, a child of promise wrapped in cloth, silent as an unopened envelope. What will he do, what could he possibly say, to make any difference to these darkened days?
Stay there, stop and stare, until you find the question that is most deeply lodged in your heart.

In Christian understanding what sets Christ apart from other prophets is that he did not bring to the world only a message, but a Person, the very Heart and Spirit of God, and in doing so He opened a door into a new dimension. 'The Word became flesh and dwelt among us' John 1v14

Pro active

If evil is active, goodness must be too.

Good actions build good relationships, good lives, good societies, they have the power to eliminate evil. But it makes me wonder how often are my actions genuinely good? What do you think a good action truly is? When we describe people as good what do we mean? 

Goodness for me is often linked to consistency, honesty and sacrifice, looking to the needs of others and acting in a way that brings lasting benefit.

If I am honest my actions may be often be entertaining, friendly, or creative but I am not sure how good they are. In the same way that evil acts done in selfishness have destructive effects, good actions through unselfishness must create deep rooted and positive changes, one step at a time.

Perfect timing

Today my thoughts turned to the concept of time and how may different ways we experience it. Being on time, in time, out of time, time wasting, time lapsing, time sharing, time flying, pushed for time, playing for time, winning time, biding our time, spending time, passing time, taking our time or loosing it. Life often feels like a chaotic soup of hopes and guesses, decisions, hesitations achievements and failures swirling through time with the clock constantly ticking. Yet sometimes, just some times, an event, a meeting, a happening takes place that seems to come from somewhere else, a place of perfect timing...

In Greek philosophy there is a word for it : 'kairos' the opportune moment in which something occurs and it came to be understood by Christian theologians as the timing of God. It is this sense of the word that is employed in the verse :
Romans 5v6 ' you see, at just the right time, when we were powerless, Christ died for the ungodly' 

Something that changes everything

As i stepped out into the snow today I remembered why as a kid I anticipated snowy days with such eagerness. Mainly because of the higher probability of having a day off school, but that was just part of the wider sensation that a snowy day could just come along and change everything. Your timetable, your view, your play, your attitude even!
It proved to be as true today as back then! When I saw the same sparky look in the eyes of my local coffee shop barista, we broke into a flurry of enthusiastic conversation. I smiled knowingly at the people I walked past in the street, I walked slower...
Before Christ's birth the people of Israel, amongst others, were waiting for something, someone, who could come along and change everything. Looking back it's fair to say the arrival of the little babe Jesus to the world changed quite a few things!! But not necessarily in the way that was expected.
On a more personal level I know Christ has changed everything for me, sometimes I take it for granted, I guess sometimes I need to look out of the window of soul again like a little kid and wait for him to come along like a snowy day :-)

La salida de la casa hoy, pisando la nieve, me hizo recordar por qué, como niña, anticipaba días de nieve con tanta ilusión. Por la mayor parte era por la probabilidad incrementada de tener un día sin cole, pero esto solo formaba parte de una sensación más profunda, que un día de nieve te podría venir y cambiarte todo. Tu horario, tu vista, tu jugar y hasta tu actitud!
Se probó igual de cierto hoy que en aquel entonces. Al ver la misma mirada brillante en los ojos de la barista en mi cafetería local, nos emocionamos hablando. Sonrisas comprendidas al pasar a la gente en la calle, y paseos mas lentos ...
Antes del nacimiento de Cristo el pueblo de Israel, entre otros, estaban esperando a un algo, a un alguien que podría cambiar todo. Mirando atrás se puede decir que la llegada de ese pequeño Jesus ha cambiado bastantes cosas, pero igual no de la manera que se esperaba.
Hablando a nivel personal, Cristo ha cambiado todo para mi, a veces no lo tomo en cuenta, a veces necesito volver a asomar la ventana de mi alma como una niña pequeña y esperar su venida tal como un día de nieve!