More on belonging

 If any of you have dabbled in Christian Evangelical circles (yes I know this is a bit niche) you may have come across a phrase "Belong, Believe, Behave" as a pattern of thinking about inclusion and transformation in church communities. Importance was placed on the order in which the process occurred. People should feel welcomed and included, subsequently, through exposure to the ideologies and experiences of the community, they might start believing and through that belief, behaviour would be altered. Though to virgin ears this may smack of manipulation, I think the concept was usually adopted with the genuine intention of offering unconditional inclusion and allowing a person to explore matters of faith at their own pace, and in that sense, they may have been on to something.

Unfortunately the process can unravel in the same way that it ravelled (is that a word?). If one of your B's starts to fail the others drop like dominos. I don't believe therefore I don't behave, I don't behave therefore I don't belong, I don't belong, therefore I don't believe etc. Perhaps that is normal. Every group has it's characteristics and rules (whether written or unwritten) about normative behaviour and values. The only difference is, that the church strives to do difference differently. 

Christ's message leaves an interesting challenge. All are invited to the table and the main criteria seems to be hunger, not table manners. But hunger for what? For a second chance? Forgiveness?

Peace, love, purpose? A new perspective? Well, all those things appear to be on the menu and yes, it could be a meal that transforms your life, but not always according to expected models.

Curiously, I was reading an article about the Australian government's framework for child development and found they had also had a crack at the 3 Bs. Belonging, Being, Becoming. This follows the idea that security and acceptance leads to identity formation and then self-realisation and the desire to contribute. Could this translate to faith communities and spiritual formation? One thing is for sure, people need safe places in order to flourish. Whichever Bs you choose in whatever order, it seems to me a worthy pursuit to create benevolent spaces where growth is a consequence not a condition of partaking. 

We belong here

 "Today, if we have no peace, it's because we have forgotten we belong to each other" Mother Teresa

I've been out of the blogging loop for a while, but this month on the Psychology Course I am doing, we have been tasked with writing a blog about belonging and aging. As academia will have it's own idea of what an acceptable blog post looks like, I thought I'd write here what I want to first!

Belonging is becoming a new buzz word in social psychology, as studies on our social connectedness, or lack of it are increasingly revealing its massive health and well-being implications. But as Kim Samuel states in her new book, belonging is not just about a connection to other people but our "place, power and purpose in the world". At a fundamental level belonging becomes an existential question "am I meant to be here?". The answer to this question gets filtered through a multitude of positive and negative experiences, reinforcing or reducing our confidence to say "Yes".

Belonging is connected to a sense of acceptance and positive affect. The feeling you get when you come home, if you have had the luck to feel it. Unfortunately many of us feel at odds with the world, fighting to find our place or prove we've earnt it, a strange phenomena of human consciousness, that leaves us hungry for reassurance and susceptible to doubt.

In this context belonging becomes an act of faith, in ourselves and in each other. Here is the bind, belonging is reciprocal, it involves the Universe saying Yes to us and us saying Yes to the Universe, or indeed to others,
in relationships and participation. Increasingly with the rise of social media, we want to connect but not commit, we want pleasure without participation, inclusion without intrusion. Traditional ritual based communities are eroding and with them our social glue is loosing its stickiness. 

Now, more than ever, we need to remember our common identity, practice compassion, create new rituals of connection and take a deep breath and know deep down in our souls that YES we belong here, we are home and we are loved.